School, diet and such.

Oh my goodness what was I thinking signing up for all these classes. The work load is actually not as bad as I thought it might be but the class schedule is feeling kinda crazy and I'm tired. It's only been a week. I may need to start staying at school between classes and doing homework so that I don't feel like I'm running around all day.

I finished the Diet. Only lost 16lbs because I had to quit early. I didn't want to but I had to. But it's amazing how much 16lbs makes a difference on a short body like mine.

Now I need to start going to some classes at the community center. Yoga or something.

A Secret!!

I have a secret, I have a secret neener, neener, neener!!!!

Oops

I had a bad diet day yesterday. I had a bag of jelly beans, a bowl of ice cream, and some mini peanut butter cups. And they tasted soooo good. I've heard that nothing tastes as good as thin feels. But you know there are alot of things in this world that taste pretty darn good. Cheesecake, bacon, avacados, not to mention chocolate. Sigh.
Well, I was down 15lbs last time I checked but that was before yesterday. I'm scared to weigh myself now.
I would love to go to food rehab. I think I need it.

No eating here tonight, eating here tonight, no no no eating here tonight, you're on diet!!!

So Here I am 17 days in and 13lbs down. I'v only had a hard time once since the first week were I wanted to eat something (or anything) I shouldn't. But I made it, I think. I did take a bite of Mollys cereal this morning but I blame her for that, she woke me up too early and I wasn't thinking clearly.
I really want to cook or bake. Unfortunatly baking is cheaper. But I think I'm safe since i have no flour and the kids don't want to go with me to get some. Oh well.
I am getting WAY tired of fixing meals that I can't eat though. But I have learned to do some things I didn't know before like how to make a real omlette and how to make marinara sauce from scratch. Mmmmm
I have at least 2 weeks left, maybe more depending on how long the drops last, and I'm really hoping I can lose another 15lbs that would rock.

Day #10

I'm back! I'm on day 10 of the HCG diet and I've lost.......drumroll please.......10lbs!!!! I did have a bit of a stall for a day and I'm not sure what caused that. I'm thinking it might have been a combination of small things, but I'm doing better. I can tell you it is the hardest thing I have ever done. for the first week, all I could think about was food. But after about day 8 I haven't been hungry at all, and i haven't felt as deprived. Don't get me wrong I'd still really love a big peice of cake but it's not the only thing I can think about. Sometimes I think about chocolate instead.
I'm soooo excited to be back into reagular jeans woo-hoo! and I only have 20 days left. Hope there are 20 less pounds after those days.

Weird dreams

I had some weird dreams last night. The first one I was at my parents house and my mom said she was going down to be with my oldest sister while she had a baby. Then she didn't come back. I was angry that she left since I was just visiting and had my kids with me and I felt like she didn't care about us. Then her and my sister came with the baby. The baby was super cute, her name was Maya but she spelled it Mya. The room my kids and I were staying in was also a candy store (not helping the diet much), and the kids kept eating things and I'd have to pay for it.

The second dream, we were getting our car fixed on Christmas day for some reason. But it was taking a REALLY long time. We had to take the car in to the shop before we opened presents. I kept trying to call people to say marry christmas but no one would answer their phone, and no one ever called me back. There was a moment that the lights went out in the shop and Molly got on the computer and fixed things to get our car done faster. It turned out the shop was siphoning gas from the vehicals and selling it and then charging people more because their car took longer to fix. I got into a fist fight with the shop owner and threw Strawberry soda ate him.
When we finally got home it was so late we told the kids we were going to make them wait till the next day to open gifts (it was Christmas remember). Then there was a knock at the door, Harry and I answered it and Harry was beyond excited to see........DEATH pretending to be the Hogfather. He brought us presents.

I'm losing my mind!

I want to eat!!!

I'm on day 4 of the low calorie part of the diet and I want to eat sooo bad. I am so addicted to food it's horrible. I want to eat cereal and sandwiches and donuts and chocolate and ice cream and cookies and anything else that I can get my hands on. I'm in no way hungry or in need of these foods. I just want them.
On the plus side I have lost 5lbs, woo-hoo!!!!

The HCG diet

When I had Molly almost three years ago, I had gained 20lbs during the pregnancy. After she was born the weight began dropping off with very little effort. I lost 40lbs by the time she was 6 months old. I was looking pretty darn good.
Then I had an episode of depression and was put into a mental hospital for a week. The medication I was put on caused me to gain weight. I was on it for a month and gained 20lbs. I tried dieting, I tried working out almost everyday, I tried everything I knew how to do and nothing worked.
Fast forward a year and I'm still holding on to those 20lbs. Then my Mom died. The depression sent me searching for food. Bread, cake, brownies, cookies etc. And I gained another 10lbs. Ugh!
So, now I'm 50lbs overweight and actually considered obese. I can't wear my regular jeans anymore and feel like garbage. The depression obviously hasn't gotten any better due to the exrta weight and the way it makes me feel about myself. I'm still pretty fit, but the weight just wont go!
I had been researching diets plans and such for a while and finally decided to take the plunge. I ordered the HCG drops a few weeks ago and did the preperations necessary to follow the plan.
I started the drops, 6 drops, 6 times a day, on July 26th. The first 2 days you are supposed to eat anything and everything and basically stuff yourself. It sounds weird I know but by the end of the second day I was so sick of food I didn't care that I wasn't going to be able to eat much of it in the next month.
On day 3 I began the super low calorie diet. 500 calories a day using only the approved foods. So basically I'm eating chicken, a few veggies and apples. The first day of this low cal stuff wasn't too bad. I had a few moments of craving sugar, and felt pretty hungry by bed time but not too bad.
To explain a little more about the HCG it is the hormone produced by pregnant women that helps sustain a pregnancy. It allows the body to used stored fat for nourishment and energy if the mom isn't eating the right things for the baby. So that's what it's doing for me. It's telling my body to use that stored fat instead of what I'm eating.
I will only be on the drops for 30 days, maybe a little more. And should lose at least 20lbs

America's next top diaper model

My daughter the fashion model

Worst blogger EVER!

Man I'm bad at this. I never have anything witty to say. I'm usually the person with sarcastic remarks about other people and what they're doing. It's hard to talk about my own life.
Molly is potty training. She loves her underpants but she hasn't once made it to the potty. I hope she doesn;t take as long as Harry and Liam did.
I'm totally stuck for things to say. There are things going on but we are keeping them to ourselves for now, and since I don't know who even reads this I guess I will just not say anything. Too late.

A New Year

I am not going to admit to the typical desires of losing weight etc. My goal for this year is to become stronger. In every sense of the word, stronger.
Stronger physically. I really want to be able to keep up with my children. I hate getting tired after only a few runs down the sledding hill (or a few climbs up actually)
Stronger emotionally. I don't want to be so affected by minor things, and so reliant on others for my emotional well being.
Stronger mentally. I need to have a better understanding of the world I live in and how I can make it better.
Stronger spiritually. I need to feel the spirit in my home more. To know that my children feel it.

I would also like to be a stronger wife, mother, and daughter.

Life is good!!!

Life is essentially good. I have three wonderful, heathy, children. My husband is amazing and works so hard for us. I'm so lucky to be able to stay home with my children. I may not have all the opportunities that I'd like right at my fingertips but I have hope that I will someday reach those goals. My kids are messy but things can be cleaned. My husband is not always as attentive as I'd like but he loves us. I may not have the kind of friendships that I'd like to have with people who live close to me, but I have an incredible support system in my branch.
I am working on accepting that I have a mental illness, the same as if I had a physical illness. No matter how I feel or what I think, life is never as bad as it seems.

I want to go back in time.

I'd like the ability to go back in time to when my kids were babies. Everytime I need a baby to hold I can just go hold my own without having another one.
I love everything about having a new baby. The smells, the sounds, the cuddling, the cute tiny body parts, having someone to watch the Twilight Zone with at 2am, etc etc.
But hard as I try to keep them babies, they keep growing up. I love watching them grow up but a large part of me still needs a baby. Will I ever get to the point where I'm ok with not having a baby? Maybe I need a job where I take care of babies all day.

Molly's little hide-out

Molly got a new bed. Right now it's in the dining room and has become her sancuary. she drags her toys in there and her lunch and everything else she can get her hands on. Her brothers are not allowed to bother her in her car.

Poor Poor Molly

Molly has pneumonia and had to be in the hospital for a little while. Trying to get an IV started in an 18 month old is no picnic. After all the attention she has gotten over the past week she has really turned into a beast. She is quite indignant that we haven't given her brothers up for adoption in order to focus all our time and attention on her. How dare we. She has perfected the "but I'm sick" look, not to mention the sad cough.
She looks awfully happy for a sick kid and charmed all the nurses. Random people walking by her room would come in to say hello because they heard her giggling.

Kids ruin all my fun!!!

I told the kids yesterday when we bought the egg decorating kits, that we would decorate the eggs on friday. I guess they took that to me as soon as it was friday they could do it themselves.
I came down the stairs this morning to a lovely pink and blue carpet in my living room, raw eggs every where, and both egg kits totally destroyed. Ugh, WHY?!

My kids are growing up.

Liam is 6 and Harry is 4! We asked the boys what they wanted for their birthdays a while ago. Liam asked to go to the Nickelodean amusement park at the Mall of America, and Harry asked for his babysitter Dana. So on the 31st of Jan. we drove the 6 hours (both ways) to the cities, and took Dana with us. She apparently belongs to Harry now.
We had a great time. Even Molly had fun even though she's too little to ride anything.





Driving Big rigs like Uncle Mark.

Molly modeling a cool SpongeBob hat.

With Dana at Wendy's on the way home from the Mall.

Babies on the brain

I can't stop thinking about babies. I was doing some online window shopping and found the cutest things. How do I stop this obsession?!

Christmas!

We had a wonderful chirstmas full of fun and food and sledding!